The Journey Home
by indie
Summary: AU.  Jedi Masters ObiWan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are tasked with protecting and escorting the young Queen of Naboo and her mentor, Senator Bail Organa, from Coruscant to her homeworld.
1. Chapter 1

The Journey Home

Chapter 1

* * *

Obi-Wan stands on the elevated walkway in the Temple's Great Hall, looking down at the small contingent of non-Jedi. He is too far away to hear the words they speak, but he can feel the presence of the young Queen radiating in the Force. She is so like her mother.

The thought brings an unexpected wave of melancholy and Obi-Wan turns away. Looking over his shoulder, he sees the approaching figure, shocked he did not sense him in the Force.

"Old friend," Obi-Wan says with a grin, "it's been too long."

Anakin doesn't immediately reply. He looks at Obi-Wan and then over the walkway's railing to observe the small group he and his former Master will be escorting. His vision still fixed on the visitors, he says, "The Council's summons was unexpected."

Obi-Wan regards his former apprentice carefully. He isn't sure if he forgot or if he merely chose to pretend he forgot how much Anakin has changed. For so many years, he counted on Anakin to be the reckless one, to charge headlong into any experience with far too much abandon and enjoyment for a Jedi. Despite knowing it was not admirable for a Jedi to conduct himself in such a manner, Obi-Wan couldn't help but marvel at the boy's boundless enthusiasm and energy.

Obi-Wan wonders what happened to that boy. For the man standing next to him bears no resemblance to his former self. There are no echoes in the Force, nothing to hint at Anakin's past. The man standing next to him is tightly controlled, quiet, solitary and if Obi-Wan is not mistaken, lonely. These days, Anakin chooses to live in seclusion, shunning the companionship of even his Jedi brethren. Obi-Wan has not seen him in many long years.

Forcing his attention back to the conversation, Obi-Wan says, "Unexpected, yes, but not unprecedented."

For the first time, Anakin turns to face Obi-Wan. His features are perfectly bland, betraying no emotion. "Indeed," he says softly, once again looking down at the young Queen surrounded by several Senators.

Obi-Wan again wonders at the Council's wisdom in this matter. He does not know why the Council chose the odd action of requesting Anakin's presence on this mission. To Obi-Wan's knowledge, the Council has not requested Anakin's presence on any other mission in more than a decade. The timing is odd. The subject of the mission even more so.

"I have not had the pleasure of meeting Queen Amitabha," Obi-Wan says, looking at the young woman at the heart of the current controversy in the Senate. He glances at Anakin and sees his attention is still riveted on her. "Have you?" he asks.

It's a moment before Anakin reacts. He shakes his head and replies, "No." He looks up at his former master, his expression once again perfectly bland. "I have not met her."

Obi-Wan nods and motions for Anakin to walk with him. Anakin falls into step, his hands clasped behind his back. "I thought you might refuse this mission," Obi-Wan says. When Anakin doesn't respond, he continues. "I thought it might be difficult for you."

Turning his head to look at Obi-Wan, Anakin asks, "Why would you think that?"

Obi-Wan frowns at his friend. "Come now, Anakin," he says seriously. "I may have done my best to ignore it, but I'm not completely dense. I know that you and Senator Amidala were close."

Anakin does not deny the charge. "That was a very long time ago," he says flatly. "Before this." He reaches up, running a hand along the vicious scar that takes up most of his left cheek. It starts millimeters from the corner of his mouth and curves upward in a crescent, across his left eye which is an opaque, sightless blue several shades lighter than his right eye.

Seeming to shake himself out of his thoughts, Anakin continues. "Before Sidious' death. Before the Order took control of the Senate."

"Before the birth of Padmé's children," Obi-Wan adds.

Anakin looks at his former mentor, holding his gaze for several long moments. "Yes," he says quietly. "Before that."

Obi-Wan wonders how much the birth of Padmé's children helped push Anakin into seclusion. Despite knowing it was frowned upon by the Order, Obi-Wan was very close to Anakin. They were like brothers. Because Obi-Wan could no more betray Anakin than he could betray the Order, he chose to largely ignore his Padawan's involvement with the beautiful and charismatic Senator from the Chommell sector.

Obi-Wan knows that Anakin's feelings for Padmé ran far deeper than they should have. He knows that those affections were returned to at least a small degree by Padmé. The two managed to maintain a friendship through the Clone Wars. Yet shortly after the Clone Wars, Senator Amidala abruptly resigned her seat in the Senate and fled to her homeworld. Later, Obi-Wan learned she had given birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Obi-Wan suspects that Anakin loved Padmé and that her giving birth to another man's children was what truly broke him.

Without exchanging words, Obi-Wan and Anakin descend the curving set of stairs and make their way across the Great Hall to the small enclave of people. The group turns as they approach and Senator Organa steps to the fore, holding out his hand to Obi-Wan.

"Master Kenobi," Senator Organa says, his grip still quite firm despite his age.

"Senator," Obi-Wan replies with a deferential nod of his head. He looks from the Senator to the young woman, Leia is her given name. Rumors have flown in the Senate for years that Senator Organa is the girl's father. However, as Obi-Wan's gaze traces her face, he can see nothing in Leia's features save Padmé.

"My Lady," Obi-Wan says with a bow to Leia.

"Master Kenobi," Leia replies, curtseying gracefully. "I am most honored to make your acquaintance."

Obi-Wan cannot help but smile. Leia is so like her mother was at this age, self-possessed and shockingly serious. "I assure you, the pleasure is mine," he replies with a quick grin.

That manages to elicit a small smile from the young Queen and she looks away quickly with a blush.

Turning his attention back to Senator Organa, Obi-Wan says, "I believe you know Anakin."

Senator Organa's features harden though he is careful to keep his tone pleasant and his words polite. "Of course," he says, inclining his head. "Master Skywalker."

"Senator," Anakin replies. His tone isn't uncivil, but there is no warmth or familiarity in it.

Obi-Wan glances at Anakin and Anakin meets his gaze unflinchingly. Again, Obi-Wan wonders if Organa is Leia's father and if Anakin was on the losing corner of a love triangle.

"Master Skywalker," Organa says tightly with feigned cheer. "May I present Leia Naberrie, Queen Amitabha of Naboo."

For the first time today, Anakin's mask of indifference fades. He looks at Leia with an expression that is a mixture of wonder, joy and sadness. Obi-Wan assumes that Anakin is as struck by Leia's resemblance to Padmé as he was himself.

Taking her hand gently in his own, Anakin bows over it. "Milady," he says with a smile.

Leia's regal bearing falters and she looks at her hand grasped in Anakin's. Her brow furrows, though not in alarm. She looks from their clasped hands to Anakin's face, her head canted slightly to the side as if she is listening to music no one else can hear. It lasts only a moment and then it's gone so quickly Obi-Wan thinks he may have imagined it.

"Master Skywalker," Leia replies.

Senator Organa steps forward and Anakin releases Leia's hand, taking a step back. His face is once again perfectly placid, but his vision is fixed on Senator Organa.

"Though I defer to your judgment," Senator Organa says, nodding more to Obi-Wan than to Anakin, "I believe it would be best if we were off."

"Yes, of course," Obi-Wan replies and they all turn and head for the Jedi Temple Hangars and their waiting ship.

End Chapter


	2. Chapter 2

The Journey Home

Chapter 2

* * *

_Anakin falls to the floor, his grunt of agony forced between clenched teeth. Wind whips through the shattered window but the stench of cauterized flesh is inescapable. _

_"Anakin!" Master Windu's hand claps him firmly on the shoulder, rolling him over to inspect the damage. Anakin hears the Korun Master's sharp intake of breath. _

_"It's not mortal," Master Windu says, his voice much firmer than his emotions in the Force._

_"Padmé!" Anakin growls, mumbling the name, unable to properly form the sounds due to the extensive damage inflicted by Sidious's blade._

_"What, Anakin? I don't understand you," Master Windu says. _

_  
"Padmé," Anakin repeats, still slurring badly. He forces out the words despite the pain. "Senator Amidala. Chommell sector. Need to protect."_

_"Senator Amidala?" Master Windu repeats. "Protect her from what?"_

_"My wife," Anakin says no longer concerned by the Council's censure. Their approval or disapproval means nothing. Life means nothing. He has failed his family completely. "She'll die," he continues, trying to block out the overwhelming pain. "The baby."_

_The pain is too much and Anakin finally succumbs, losing consciousness._

_When he wakes, he is in the Temple's medical facility. He can't see out of his left eye. Half his face is swathed in heavy bandages and pain pounds inside his skull in perfect rhythm with his heartbeat. He is lying on a bed. Upper body elevated at a forty-five degree angle, he can see most of the room without moving._

_The large, open room reeks of bacta and disinfectants. There are several dozen patient beds, but they are all empty save his own. Standing at the foot of his bed, Masters Windu and Yoda watch him carefully._

_"Saved the Republic, your information did," Yoda says. "Grateful we are."_

_Anakin does not answer. There is nothing to say._

_Shunning any pleasantries, Master Windu cuts straight to the matter weighing on Anakin's heart. "Senator Amidala is safe," he says. His features are pinched, his disapproval clear. Despite his earlier promise that Anakin's revelation of Palpatine's true identity would earn him Master Windu's trust, that obviously is not the case. "At the Council's request, she has returned to Naboo."_

_Anakin starts to open his mouth, but the searing pain stops him._

_"The children are fine," Master Windu continues._

_Children? Anakin stares at the Masters in shock._

_"Think it best we do, that see Senator Amidala you do not," Yoda says._

_Despite only half his face being visible, the Masters clearly see Anakin's outrage at the idea. He pushes himself forward, intent on getting out of the bed._

_Master Windu holds up his hand, palm extended toward Anakin in a gesture for him to stop. "You almost Fell," he says pointedly, his eyes boring into Anakin._

_Master Yoda's lips purse together tightly and he nods. "Close it was," he agrees._

_Anakin slumps back against the mattress. He was so certain that killing Sidious would mean forfeiting Padmé's life and possibly the life of his child … lives of his children._

_"Need help you do," Yoda says quietly. "To find your path."_

Anakin shakes off the unbidden memory, quickly forcing his attention to the present. The pilot, co-pilot and navigator are immersed in their duties, preparing the Tantive IV CR90 corvette for the jump to hyperspace. Seated behind the pilot, Anakin watches as the ship banks away from Coruscant's orbit. They will soon begin their trek to Naboo.

He tries to allow himself to be at one with the emotions weighting his heart and soul. That was the lesson Obi-Wan tried so desperately to teach him. It isn't mastery of the Force that is a Jedi's goal. It is mastery of one's self for which a Jedi strives.

He takes a deep breath and releases it. The last fourteen years have given him a great deal of mastery of himself. He can accept the guilt that burdens his soul without attempting to run from it. He can experience the groundlessness of this impenetrable loneliness that surrounds him without needing to cling to anyone or anything.

After all his failings, he has finally become a model Jedi.

And he suspects he may be dead inside.

* * *

"The attempt on her life is most troubling," Obi-Wan says to Senator Organa. "Rest assured the Council will get to the bottom of this."

The two men are standing in the spacious Officer's common room. Senator Organa nods, glancing over his shoulder at the staircase leading to the upper deck and the stateroom suite. As head of the royal house of Alderaan and owner of the Tantive IV, the stateroom is his, but he has relinquished it for the comfort of Queen Amitabha and her handmaidens. There is no sign of Leia. As Senator Organa turns back to Obi-Wan, he sees Anakin approach. His posture stiffens.

Anakin raises an eyebrow expectantly at Obi-Wan.

"The Council attempted to send you the documents," Obi-Wan says, "but you were already in transit."

Anakin ignores the implied censure in his former Master's statement without taking offense. The Council has long disapproved of Anakin's starfighter and personal transport, choosing to view it as a possession and attachment. Anakin has never bothered to debate the issue with them. The aging Delta-7 starfighter is simply a convenience. Anakin has no attachments – to anything or anyone.

Deciding that Anakin isn't going to respond, Obi-Wan elaborates. "There have been two attempts on Queen Amitabha's life. We suspect the Black Sun crime syndicate is ultimately responsible."

Unexpectedly, Anakin finds himself bristling at the information. "Why would the Black Sun want her dead?"

Reluctantly, Senator Organa turns to Anakin. "Queen Amitabha has been very influential in stopping spice trade in the Chommell sector," he explains. "She has successfully lobbied in the Senate for increased security patrols. It has cost the Black Sun a great deal."

"Master Kenobi, there is a communication for you," a crewmember says.

"Of course," Obi-Wan replies, following the crewmember to the lower deck and the sensor room.

Anakin turns and is shocked to realize that the crewmember is in fact Gregar Typho, the man that served as Padmé's head of security for years. He watches as Obi-Wan and Typho leave together.

He turns back, displeased to realize he is alone with Bail Organa.

"It would have been better if you hadn't come," Organa says.

Anakin stares at the man, taking note of how he has aged. "The decision was not mine to make. A Jedi serves the will of the Council."

"Yes," Organa says tightly. "You often use that excuse, don't you?"

Anakin stands his ground, his features perfectly bland as he stares at Senator Organa. Eventually the older man turns away and with a huff of disgust leaves Anakin alone.

When Senator Organa is finally gone, Anakin makes his way to one of the seats and slumps into it heavily. He cannot remember the last time he felt this tired. He has lived alone in the primordial ooze of Dagobah for so long that he has forgotten how exhausting it is to interact with other beings, to be assaulted by their energies and agendas.

With a sigh, he leans back in the chair and his lips twist into a wry smile.

He is lying to himself. He thought that was a bad habit he broke long ago.

It is not Bail Organa's hostile energy or the mission that exhausts him. It is facing his ghosts.

He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't know why the Council sent him unless they derive pleasure from pouring salt in old wounds. He was never supposed to know her.

Leia.

His daughter.

_Anakin stares at the holo, unable to prevent the tears tracing down his cheeks._

_"Anakin, I don't understand," Padmé sobs. "Where are you? The Council won't tell me if you're alive or dead. I only pray this message finds you." She sobs for several moments and then collects herself, steeling her resolve._

_And then, her smile is luminous, radiant despite her tears. "You should see them, Ani," she says softly, voice full of wonder. "I named them Luke and Leia." Her smile turns bittersweet. "I know you always liked the name Leia." _

_Her smile falters and she is clearly on the verge of tears again, but she presses ahead. "I hope you see this message," she says. "I hope you come home to us. We miss you. We need you."_

_The recording ends and his ears ring with the sound of silence. His wife's sobs echo in his mind. He holds the holodisk in his hand, gripping it tightly. He wants to throw it at the wall, to loose the anger and rage this separation causes him. But he doesn't throw the holodisk. Because right now, it is his only link to his beloved wife, to his son, Luke, and his daughter, Leia._

_He stalks through the hallways of the Jedi Temple and Master Yoda does not seem the least bit surprised to see him when Anakin bursts into his private quarters unannounced. _

"_Expecting you, I have been," he says, shaking his head in disapproval._

"_You knew about this," Anakin accuses, holding the holodisk in his hand._

_Yoda nods. "Allowed it, I did," he says. "A choice, you must make."_

"_I'm going to them!" Anakin rages. "Today. Tonight. I'm leaving! How could you think I could see that and not go? How can you preach compassion and then expect me to see Padmé's message and willingly abandon her?"_

_Slowly, Master Yoda looks up, watching him silently for several long moments. "Almost Fell, you did," he says gravely. "Betrayed everything you would have. The Order. The Republic. Proud would your wife be to call a Sith husband? Proud would your children be to call you father?"_

_Anakin's body trembles with the volatile emotions raging through him._

"_Your emotions, control you cannot." Master Yoda climbs out of the chair in which he sits. Slowly, he makes his way across the room, leaning heavily on his cane. He sighs deeply. "A danger you are, young Skywalker, to all who care for you."_

_Anakin wants so badly to refute Master Yoda's claims, but he cannot. Master Yoda is correct. Anakin almost Fell. He almost made a deal with a Sith Lord in exchange for Padmé's life. Yet Padmé is safe. The twins are safe. His nightmares, his visions, were false. _

_He trusts himself even less than Yoda trusts him._

"_To your room return, young Skywalker," Master Yoda says. "Leave for Dagobah tonight, you will. Meditation you need."_

End Chapter


	3. Chapter 3

The Journey Home

Chapter 3

* * *

Anakin is pulled from his memories and meditation by the chattering of young girls. The sound is absolutely unmistakable, yet Anakin is intensely aware of how long it has been since he last heard such innocent noise.

He watches as the six handmaidens descend the stairs. All are wearing identical gowns of soft indigo fabric which cover almost every bit of exposed flesh. The hoods obscure most of their faces, long sleeves cover their hands and the hem of the gowns brush the floor. The Queen, by contrast, wears an ornate, complicated dress with voluminous skirts and a large headdress. Her face is painted in the traditional Naboo style Leia wore hours ago in the Jedi Temple's Great Hall.

They reach the foot of the steps, falling silent as they realize they are not alone. Standing, Anakin bows to them. "Ladies," he says deferentially.

The handmaidens bow their heads in return. All except Leia who tries, but refuses to take her eyes off him. The young woman pretending to be the Queen says regally, "Master Skywalker."

Obi-Wan enters the room, followed closely by Senator Organa and Gregar Typho. Obi-Wan's lips are pressed into a thin line. He bows to the Queen. "I apologize, milady," he says, "but there has been a change in our plans."

"What change?" she immediately asks in an imperious tone.

"We received a hypercomm message from the Temple. They are in possession of new information and believe the Black Sun means to ambush us near the Kalarba sector. Because of the delay in receiving messages in hyperspace, it is imperative we take action now."

"I concur, Master Jedi," the Queen replies. "What do you suggest?"

"I believe – " Obi-Wan starts.

"We're close enough to Corellia. We should drop out of hyperspace now," Anakin says.

Eyes wide, Obi-Wan looks at his former apprentice. Anakin manages to refrain from flushing. He realizes how out of character this behavior is for him. His former, hot-headed self most certainly would have reacted in this manner, but he has not been that man for a very long time.

Looking at the Queen, Obi-Wan smiles. "I concur, your highness," he says. "I believe it would be best if we were to divert course to Corellia."

"Then we best put these plans in motion," the Queen replies.

Obi-Wan nods in agreement and Gregar Typho leaves the room, headed for the cockpit. Bail Organa is speaking to the Queen decoy, but Leia hovers near, listening to the conversation.

Anakin turns away from the group of girls, staring at the Alderaanian moss painting that hangs on the Common Room wall. Across the room, the handmaidens speak in hushed tones amongst themselves. Without looking, Anakin knows Leia is watching him.

Obi-Wan stands next to Anakin, looking at the moss painting. "I can't remember the last time I heard you speak out of turn," he says. Anakin can hear the amused grin in his former Master's voice.

"Neither can I," he admits honestly. "It is quite disconcerting."

"Well, I believe you impressed Queen Amitabha a great deal."

Anakin shakes his head. "My life's ambition," he says wryly, "to impress a fourteen-year-old girl." He glances at the pack of young ladies and realizes his comment might not be so far off the mark. Turning away, he says, "And that wasn't the Queen. It was her decoy."

Brow furrowing, Obi-Wan looks at the girls. He studies them for a moment and then chuckles softly to himself. "Indeed," he says. "I believe the real Queen Amitabha is the second handmaiden from the left."

Anakin nods.

"I can't believe I missed that," Obi-Wan muses. "I must be getting slow in my old age."

"It was bound to happen, Master," Anakin says seriously. "Don't let it get you down."

Obi-Wan shoves into Anakin's shoulder with his own in a playful gesture. "That sounds like the Anakin I know," he says. "I was beginning to wonder if anything of the boy remained in the man. It's good to know he's still there somewhere, even if I have to bear the brunt of your humor."

Anakin turns to face his friend, his expression once again sober. "A Jedi strives for mastery of himself," he says seriously.

"Yes, Anakin," Obi-Wan replies with mock severity. "But not at the cost of destroying the man inside the Jedi."

Unsure of what to say, Anakin turns back to the moss painting. He has to admit he is enjoying the exchange. Point of fact, he has enjoyed the entire trip. He can't remember the last time he enjoyed anything.

Anakin fixes his attention on the moss painting, trying to use it as a focus point to anchor his thoughts and emotions. He doesn't want to enjoy anything.

Obi-Wan doesn't understand.

It's not his fault. So much was kept from him. But the secrecy has compromised Obi-Wan's perspective. If he truly knew the gravity of the situation, he would feel differently about things.

_The Padawan springs to life, jumping up to block his way. "Master Skywalker," he stammers. "You can't go in. The Council is in session."_

"_I know," Anakin says, resisting the strong urge to push the young man away. "That's why I'm here."_

"_Master Skywalker!" he says again._

_But Anakin doesn't hear him. He is already pushing his way into the Council chambers. _

_As he suspected, one Council seat sits empty. For reasons he does not understand, Obi-Wan is not privy to the Council's decisions regarding him – and his family. Anakin suspects that the rest of the Council does not believe that Master Kenobi could remain impartial on the subject._

_Anakin's vision sweeps the room and he feels like he's been punched in the chest. A woman, a Jedi Master in the Acquisition division, holds a dark haired infant while another woman – younger, probably her Padawan – holds a second, fair haired infant._

_Finally finding his voice, Anakin rages, "No!"_

"_Jedi Skywalker," Master Windu says, obviously displeased, "your presence is unexpected and unwanted. You are supposed to be meditating on Dagobah."_

_Anakin paces back and forth near the entrance, his vision moving between Master Windu and the infants. "You will not train them," he seethes._

"_Our own council do we keep on who is to be trained," Yoda says._

"_Not on this issue," Anakin rages. "You will not take them from Padmé!"_

_Master Mundi gives Masters Yoda and Windu a sidelong glance that makes Anakin wonder if the rest of the Council members understand the full scope of the situation._

"_They are my children," Anakin bites out. "I do not give consent for them to be trained. You will return them to Padmé. Now."_

_The Council seems split. Some of them obviously knew, some just as obviously did not. _

"_The infants are strong in the Force," Master Koon says seriously. "It is imperative they be brought to the Temple and trained as Jedi."_

"_No," Anakin's tone as well as his presence in the Force is absolutely rigid, unmoving. "You fear me," he says, looking directly at Master Windu. "Let me remove any doubt from your mind as to how badly things will go if you do not immediately return my children to their mother."_

"_That sounds like a threat, Jedi Skywalker," Master Windu counters angrily._

_Anakin holds his ground, glaring at Master Windu. He is not afraid and he will not back down._

"_Recess we will," Yoda says wearily. "Escalate this conflict we will not."_

_Clearly understanding that Master Yoda intends to be alone with Anakin, the rest of the Council members file somberly from the room. Anakin watches the two infants until the Jedi carrying them are out of sight._

_Slowly, Yoda approaches and Anakin stares down at him angrily._

"_In your training," Yoda says, "many mistakes did we make."_

_Anakin's jaw clenches, but he does not deny Master Yoda's assertion. He knows he is far from the model Jedi. He has always been too proud, too unstable, too powerful._

"_Strong in the Force your son and daughter will be," Yoda continues. "Training will they need."_

"_I. Forbid. It."_

_Yoda sighs and his lips purse together. He shakes his head sadly. "Misstep we did," he says. "Informed you we should have."_

"_Yes, you should have," Anakin snaps. He was in the process of establishing a permanent settlement for himself on Dagobah when he felt an inescapable pull to return to the Temple. Because he also needed supplies, he heeded the call and made the trip. It was a total fluke that he arrived in time for the hearing._

"_For a thousand generations chosen Jedi in this manner we have," Yoda says. "Your anger anticipate we did not. Shortsighted were we."_

"_Did you take them from Padmé?" Anakin demands._

_Shaking his head, Yoda says, "Her consent did she give to bring the twins before the Council."_

"_Did you tell her you intended to take them?"_

"_Only that the Council wished to see them, tell her we did."_

_Anakin grinds his teeth together, pacing in a tight circle. "You let her think you were bringing them to me," he accuses. He punches his fist impotently at the air. _

"_A mistake it was," Yoda says, "to bring your children here."_

_Anakin gives him a wary, sidelong glance. _

"_Without your consent, train them we cannot," Yoda says wearily. "But a choice you have."_

"_Choice?" Anakin asks._

"_Stay with the Order, the Council believes you should. Meditation, control do you need."_

"_I've been trying to do that," Anakin rages. Why the hell do they think he's been sitting in that stinking swamp halfway across the galaxy if not to learn something?_

"_But your choice avoided you have," Yoda says meaningfully, his eyes boring into Anakin's._

_Anakin stares down at his Master for only a few moments before the force of Yoda's gaze makes him look away. "What choice?" he asks in an insolent tone._

"_The choice between your family and your calling."_

_Anakin closes his eyes, reeling as if he was struck. As usual, Master Yoda is right. Anakin has been hiding on Dagobah. Hiding from everything._

"_An exception for you, the Council will not make," Yoda says. "Absolutely forbidden, attachment is. For a thousand generations, this way has it been. A family you cannot have if a Jedi Knight you intend to be."_

_Anakin reels from the words knowing that deep inside himself he hoped against hope that the Council would grant an exception, that they would allow him to be both a Jedi and a father. But it is not to be._

"_Compromise your judgment, your attachment to your wife did," Yoda says. "Leverage did it give Palpatine. Manipulate your fears he did."_

_Anakin finds it difficult to stand. He walks to one of the Council chairs and falls heavily into it, his head cradled in his hands._

"_More raw power do you have," Yoda says, "than any Jedi born. But chaotic are you. Unsettled. Beyond your control are your emotions and fears. Dangerous it makes you. Dangerous to everyone."_

_Defeated, Anakin raises his head and looks at Master Yoda. "What do you want me to do?" he asks hopelessly._

"_Take your children," Yoda says. "If within the Order you wish to stay, return them to their mother yourself you must."_

End Chapter


	4. Chapter 4

The Journey Home

Chapter 4

by indie

* * *

Leia watches the two Jedi masters across the room. Bail is talking to Nonaé, her decoy, but Leia can feel his attention on her. He doesn't approve of her interest in the Jedi, she knows that. Leia doesn't wish to openly defy him. He is her staunchest ally and greatest supporter, not to mention a dear family friend. He's the closest thing she has ever had to a father.

But Senator Bail Organa isn't her father.

Leia watches Master Skywalker, absolutely fixated by him. There is a certain pull to his presence, a sensation at once so natural and so unexpected she doesn't know how to define it. The only other person with whom she has experienced a connection like that is her twin, Luke. But their twin bond has always been so strong, so ubiquitous as to be almost transparent. She never thought about it, never imagined she could feel that same connection to another person. And yet, she feels that connection to this man who is at once a stranger and hauntingly familiar.

She realizes that Bail is no longer speaking and she looks up, meeting his gaze. His lips are pursed together in a thin, tight line, but his eyes are kind, almost sad. He glances at Master Skywalker and his expression hardens icily. Deliberately, he steps in front of Leia, blocking her view of the two Jedi. Wordlessly, Leia turns her attention back to her handmaidens and the dangers they face. She understands that he only wishes to protect her. She simply wishes he could understand she doesn't want to be protected.

"You don't approve of Master Skywalker's presence," Leia says. The handmaidens pointedly look away from her exchange with Senator Organa, giving the pair as much privacy as possible without undermining Leia's disguise as a handmaiden.

Bail is quiet for a moment, considering his response. "I feel the Council could have done us the favor of sending a more suitable protector for you."

She looks up at him. "A more suitable protector than the Jedi who slew Palpatine?" She pauses. "A more suitable protector than my own father?"

Bail's attention snaps to her, but he takes a deep breath and regards her carefully. "I wasn't aware your mother informed you of your father's true identity."

"Why would you be?" As soon as Leia says the words, she regrets them. They are unnecessarily harsh. Bail means well, but there are times when she feels he oversteps his bounds. He is a dear friend, but he isn't her father.

She can tell the words wound him, but he recovers quickly. "Indeed," he says, inclining his head. "That is none of my business."

Leia is saved from having to reply by Typho's return. He strides purposefully into the room. "We've dropped out of hyperspace and are approaching Corellia," he says, addressing the Jedi Masters.

Master Kenobi crosses the room, addressing both Nonaé and Senator Organa. "We should dock and disembark as soon as possible. Once we are safe we can secure transport to Naboo."

Bail confers with Nonaé and Master Kenobi looks over at Leia, winking conspiratorially before schooling his expression once again into a mask of seriousness. Leia has to cough to cover her laugh. Bail regards her oddly.

* * *

It is a surprisingly short amount of time before the ship is given permission to dock. Several security officers lead the way, headed by Typho. The handmaidens surround the decoy Queen and Senator Organa. Leia is at the very back, closest to Obi-Wan and Anakin.

As they walk down the gangplank and across the bustling landing platform, Obi-Wan glances at Anakin. "Do you-"

"I feel it too," Anakin says quickly, already moving as he says the words. He spins, palming his lightsaber and igniting the blade, pulling Leia behind him in one smooth motion. He deflects blaster bolts while Obi-Wan does the same. The handmaidens and the Queen scramble for cover behind large shipping containers. Senator Organa attempts to reach Leia, but he is pinned down by fire.

In unison, Obi-Wan and Anakin back up, still deflecting blaster bolts as they make their way to a doorway leading to a hallway and hopefully an escape route. One of the attackers lobs a thermal detonator and Anakin and Obi-Wan turn, bolting, each with a hand wrapped around Leia's upper arms, pulling her along.

The explosion is deafening, sending debris everywhere. Still firmly grasping Leia's arm, Anakin runs down the hallway, Obi-Wan close behind. They make three quick corners and end up in a narrow street bustling with foot traffic and a densely packed open air market. Obi-Wan and Anakin immediately pull up the hoods of their cloaks, wrapping them around their bodies to disguise their Jedi attire.

"Well, so much for avoiding a trap," Obi-Wan says, pulling a comlink from his belt. He contacts Typho.

"We're okay," Typho reports. "Get her out of here any way you can. We'll worry about everyone else."

Anakin is already heading deeper into the crowd, farther from the landing platform. As much as he knows it is a Jedi's responsibility to protect everyone, he is not willing to jeopardize Leia's safety by returning for the others.

It is several minutes before they navigate completely through the market and find a deserted alley. Pulling back the hood of his cloak, Obi-Wan looks pointedly at Anakin's hand, still wrapped tightly around Leia's arm. Shocked by his actions, Anakin quickly releases Leia.

Leia takes her time, unwrapping the indigo hood from the rest of her gown. She picks a few bits of pulverized duracrete out of her hair. Finally finished brushing herself off, she crosses her arms over her chest and looks at the two Jedi Masters. "Are you taking me home?" she asks Anakin.

He pauses for a moment, looking at her. "Yes," he says.

* * *

_Anakin stares out the cockpit window, desperately trying to come up with an excuse to linger. However, Artoo is more than capable of keeping an eye on things. The trip to Naboo should be completely uneventful. He is spurred to motion by the piercing shriek of an unhappy infant._

_Sighing, he pushes himself to his feet and ventures into the ship's main hold. It is sparse, built for capacity rather than comfort, but it is reliable and speedy. The hold is one big room. There are several brightly colored blankets spread out on the metal alloy floor, littered with toys. There is a lone door which leads to the fresher._

_Anakin's traveling companion is the Padawan who was present at the Council session. Her name is Aub_é_. She is human, probably close to twenty years in age. She exudes an aura of the most serene calm Anakin has ever witnessed._

_Aubé holds Leia who is screaming at the top of her lungs, red faced and squirming, her tiny fists angrily grabbing and pulling at anything she can reach. Aubé holds her close, humming softly and rocking side to side, face lit by a gentle smile. Anakin has no idea how the Padawan does it. Leia's screams affect him almost as profoundly as Dooku's Force lightning._

"_Is she sick?" he asks warily. He has never been comfortable around infants before and knowing they are his makes him doubly nervous._

"_No," Aubé answers softly. "She's just upset." She pulls Leia back and coos into her angry little face. "She'll be fine as soon as we return her to her mama. She's too little to be away for so long."_

_Anakin nods. It makes sense. He has to assume Aubé knows what she's talking about. He looks down at Luke who is laying on his stomach on the blanket, chewing industriously on a small stuffed toy._

"_They're twins, but they have their own distinct personalities," Aubé says, speaking to Anakin's thoughts._

_He laughs mirthlessly. Truer words have never been spoken. While Luke is calm and easy going, content to chew on toys or practice crawling, Leia is the polar opposite. She is quick to anger and slow to soothe, unable to sit still for more than a few moments, constantly screaming or crying._

"_You should hold her," Aubé pronounces, already in the process of handing Leia to Anakin._

_He is taken so off guard he doesn't have time to react and before he knows it, the infant is being pressed to his chest. He grabs at her clumsily, trying both to not drop her and not crush her. To his eternal shock, Leia quiets immediately. He looks down at her and she meets his gaze with her huge eyes, chewing on her fist._

_Shocked, Anakin looks up at Aubé who simply smiles knowingly at him. "Babies know things," she says, sinking to her knees next to Luke._

_Anakin stands there holding his daughter and for the moment at least, she seems content to allow it. Mimicking Aubé's earlier actions, Anakin rocks slowly from side to side. He looks down at Leia and realizes she is asleep. _

_Under the guise of rocking the baby, Anakin walks to the other side of the hold, facing away from Aubé. It's probably pointless. Aubé seems to have a preternatural understanding of human nature. Regardless, Anakin turns his back on the Padawan and stands there, staring at the wall as he holds his daughter. He cannot believe how absolutely tiny she is. He marvels at her perfect little fingers and toes and eyelashes and ears. Her skin is so velvety soft and she smells so good. _

_He is completely overwhelmed with the knowledge that she is his – his child, his flesh and blood. Luke and Leia are his only living blood relatives in the galaxy. Since his mother died, he has been alone. But no more. His children live. His blood flows in their veins. But it's more than just the knowledge. He can feel it in the Force, in the place where her tiny little heart beats against his. This tiny little person is his legacy, his immortality._

_And in order to protect her and her brother and her mother, he has to leave them._

* * *

End Chapter 


	5. Chapter 5

The Journey Home

by indie

Chapter 5

* * *

_The way her face lights up is nearly fatal to his already battered heart. Clutching Leia tighter, Anakin descends the gangplank, forcing himself to concentrate on his steps, on the beating of Leia's heart, on anything except his wife joyously bounding across the landing platform toward him._

"_Anakin!" She's breathless, smiling from ear to ear._

_He looks at her and he knows the turmoil in his heart and soul is clearly etched on his features. Her smile falters for a moment and then fades entirely. "Are they okay?" she demands, immediately looking at the children. She takes Luke from Aube's arms, cuddling him near, inspecting him for injuries or illness._

"_They're fine, Milady," Aube answers brightly. "They're beautiful children. Such blessings."_

_Padmé seems relieved by Aube's answer, but her questioning gaze immediately returns to Anakin. "I don't understand."_

"_Master Skywalker," Aube says, bowing. With her quiet grace, she ascends the gangplank and disappears inside the ship._

_Anakin stands there, mute. He didn't bother to correct the way Aube addressed him. Though technically incorrect, he suspects she did it for Padmé's benefit, so his wife would know he was still a Jedi and Aube was his subordinate._

_Anakin's gaze searches the horizon and he is unable to take any comfort in the fact that he is in a place he has always loved. The blue skies and verdant lushness of Naboo do nothing to calm his turmoil. "Can we go somewhere?" he asks quietly._

* * *

"Surely it's frowned upon for Jedi to steal," Leia says pointedly.

Obi-Wan smiles at the young Queen as they walk down the residential lane. "What makes you think we're going to steal something?"

She gives him a knowing look. "We're stranded on a planet with no credits. It's obvious whoever is following us has access to our supposedly secret travel manifest, so contacting anyone for help is a dangerous prospect. I can see the tops of the shipyards over these houses so I know that's where we're heading. Unless you have some great friend who conveniently happens to work there and owe you a pretty big favor, we're either going to steal a ship or sneak aboard and stow away."

Anakin coughs quickly to cover a laugh. He schools his attention straight ahead, not looking at either Obi-Wan or Leia. "She has a point, Master."

"Ye of little faith," Obi-Wan admonishes, but Anakin knows from the tone of his voice he is most amused by Leia's argument.

* * *

_Anakin glances around the small apartment, shamed his family is forced to live here. Though it is far more luxurious than any accommodations he had as a child, by the standards to which Padmé has become accustomed, it is a hovel. He hoped she would be staying with her parents or her sister, but he knows why she chose to take this small apartment after resigning her Senate seat. She hoped he would come home to her. _

"_You're not staying," Padmé says._

_He looks at his wife and then at his daughter still resting contently in his arms. He shakes his head. "I can't."_

_She nods, blinking quickly to stave off tears. "I knew … I mean I always knew it was a possibility," she says. "We never planned to have children. We agreed we wouldn't. I knew it would be complicated – _

"_I don't regret it," Anakin says, interrupting her rambling speech. She looks at him and he holds her gaze. "I don't regret it," he repeats. "None of it. I love you. I love Luke and Leia."_

_She is silent for a long moment. "But you're leaving us."_

_Leia starts to cry and Anakin tries to shush her, but he is so agitated he only makes it worse. Padmé sets Luke on the floor in the midst of his toys and takes Leia from Anakin. Leia continues to wail, but the volume and insistence decreases. _

_Anakin watches his wife and children. They're so close, mere steps away yet he feels irreparably separated from them. "I have to," he whispers._

_Padmé looks at him and there is no anger in her gaze, only sadness. Her understanding wounds Anakin even more. He wants her to be angry with him. He wants her to blame him, to rage at him. _

"_Will we ever see you?" she asks. "Will the children know you?"_

"_I don't know," he answers with brutal honesty._

* * *

"Do you think they're all right?" Leia asks.

Anakin looks at his daughter. He knows she is concerned about Bail, Typho and her handmaidens, but she has shown such resilience since the attack he forgot how young she is. "I don't believe any of them were wounded in the ambush."

She studies him carefully for a moment. "You can't just … _tell?_"

He raises an eyebrow.

"You're a Jedi. Can't you use the Force?"

His brow furrows and he smiles. "I'm not omnipotent. I can't dip into the Force and feel how any random person is doing."

She frowns and sighs heavily, using her foot to make patterns in the dirt of the small alley where they wait for Obi-Wan. Without looking at him, she says, "I can … _sense_ you. When we were on the ship, even when I was in a different room, I knew where you were." She looks up at him.

There is a warmth in his chest, pride in his daughter's abilities. He doesn't know how much Padmé might have told the twins about him – if anything. He doesn't know if Leia understands he is her father. But he hopes the significance of their bond isn't lost on her. "The Force is like that sometimes. For certain people with certain connections. Especially in close quarters."

She holds his gaze for several long moments before looking away. "Luke does freaky stuff like that all the time, but it's never happened to me. Not before today."

"You can feel your brother through the Force?"

"Well, yeah." She shrugs. "But he's my twin. I figured it was mostly him doing it. Not me. He's much better at that stuff than me."

Anakin nods, unsure of what to say. He is delighted to find his children share his abilities. And he is ravenous for the intimate details of their lives.

"I thought the Jedi Order took Force-sensitives to the Temple to train them," Leia says warily, watching him closely.

"They do."

She nods, suspicious. "So why didn't they take Luke?"

Anakin meets Leia's gaze without flinching. "What makes you think they would have taken your brother?"

"They would have."

He can't resist baiting her. "How do you know?"

"Because I'm not stupid. Luke was meant to be a Jedi."

Anakin can't help but smile at Leia's rationale. "The Order can't take children. Parents have to consent to their children's training."

"Why wouldn't my mother have consented?"

Anakin waits a moment, then another. "Maybe it wasn't your mother who didn't give consent."

* * *

"_You don't want them trained? Are they not Force-sensitive?"_

"_They are very strong in the Force," Anakin confirms proudly. It's difficult, of course, to tell with infants so young. But his connection with Leia and Luke is so strong he knows they have abilities far beyond those of normal children. _

"_You told the Council no?"_

_He nods. _

_She sits down on the floor with the babies, but looks up at him. "Why would you refuse to allow them to be trained?"_

_He paces around the room and then stops, looking at her. "The Council's stance on training children hasn't changed. If we consent to allow Luke and Leia to become part of the Order, they will separate them – from each other and certainly from you and me."_

_Padmé stares at him blankly for a moment, then looks at the children. She reaches out and touches each of them as if to reassure herself they are really with her. She shakes her head, still watching the babies. "I don't understand." She looks up at him. "You saved the Republic. You killed Palpatine. Why would they treat you that way? Why would they – "_

"_A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hatred. Nor love."_

_Tears glisten in her eyes. "Surely they can't think that after everything you've done that attachment is dangerous – _

"_I almost did it!" _

_He doesn't mean to yell and it startles all of them. He swallows thickly, looking at his wife and children. "I almost did it," he repeats, this time softly. "I almost saved Sidious."_

_She shakes her head. "I don't believe it," she says vehemently. "You're a good man, Anakin. You were confused. We all were. Palpatine played with your emotions and fears."_

"_I almost fought Master Windu in order to save a Sith Lord," Anakin insists quietly. "I almost did it because he convinced me that only he had the power to save you and the children."_

"_Oh, Anakin," Padmé quickly rises to her feet and crosses the small room to him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and resting her head against his chest._

_Though he knows the danger, he cannot push her away. He wraps his arms around her, hugging her tightly, burying his nose in her hair. He wants nothing more than to stay here with his wife and children. But he understands the danger. Padmé can deny it as much as she wants, but Anakin knows the truth. He knows how close he came to turning to the dark side. He knows Padmé has always had far more faith in him than is prudent._

_Maybe one day he will truly be as strong as she thinks he is._

* * *

End Chapter 


	6. Chapter 6

The Journey Home

Chapter 6

* * *

_It's getting dark, shadows lengthening across the small living room. Anakin gives a moment's though to Aubé, still waiting with the ship, but quickly pushes it away. The Council will give him this. They will allow him to say a proper goodbye to his family. He doesn't care if Masters Windu and Yoda frown upon his actions. It is his right. Aubé can entertain herself for an evening._

_There is a knock at the door and Anakin looks to the door and then back at his wife. Padmé is already rising to her feet, seemingly unsurprised. She pulls the door open only a tiny bit, speaking softly with the visitor. From his vantage point, Anakin can see Sola's concerned features._

_As a pair of toothless gums clamp around his thumb with surprising force, Anakin looks down. Luke immediately lets go, smiling a big wet grin up at his father. Anakin smiles ruefully down at his son, picking him up and depositing him in his lap as he sits on the floor. "Tired of chewing on your toys?"_

_Luke shrieks in delight, flapping his arms excitedly. To Anakin it feels like a blade through the gut. How can he leave them? How can he leave his family? Even if it is best for everyone, a selfish part of him wants to leave the Order, to stay with his family._

_Anakin looks up to see Padmé standing near him. The door remains open, but Sola stays in the threshold, not entering the apartment. _

_Padmé wrings her hands together, her eyes fixed on the ground, not him. "When I heard you were coming home, I asked Sola if she and the girls could watch Luke and Leia for a few hours so we could have some time alone. Now that you're not staying I understand if you don't –_

_He reaches up, wrapping his hand around hers to stop their nervous motions. She looks at him and he holds her gaze. "It would be great if they could watch the twins for a little bit."_

_Anakin plays with Luke and Leia while Padmé packs a small bag for the twins with what Anakin is certain is far more diapers, changes of clothes and pureed fruit than they could possibly need for a couple of hours. He refrains from pointing this out to Padmé. _

_When she is finally packed, he takes the bag from her while she picks up Leia. He holds Luke and they walk to the door. Padmé stands in front of him. Sola glances at him and startles. It takes conscious effort for Anakin to not reflexively reach for the scar bisecting his left cheek. While he never gave a great deal of consideration to how handsome he may or may not have been prior to his duel with Sidious, he knows his injury is quite disfiguring. Unlike Sola, Padmé was informed as to the extent of his injuries by Master Windu many months ago. _

_Sola recovers quickly and gives him a look that is a mixture of anger and sadness. At her side is one of her daughters, Ryoo. "It's good to see you again, Anakin," Sola says tightly, years of good manners taking precedence over whatever it is she might truly wish to say to him._

_"And you," Anakin replies awkwardly. He supposes it is noteworthy that she didn't spit on him after all he's done to destroy her younger sister's life._

_Sola takes Leia who goes happily to her aunt. Padmé smoothes down her daughter's hair nervously. "It'll only be a few hours. We'll walk over and pick them up."_

_Sola tsks at Padmé, bouncing Leia and smiling to her. "We'll be fine. Stop worrying."_

_Padmé frowns, but says no more. She turns around, taking Luke from Anakin and handing him to Ryoo whose smile is blinding as she accepts the baby._

_Anakin frowns. Ryoo is probably close to ten years old, but she's still a child and he isn't certain he trusts her with his infant son. Seeming to read his mind, Ryoo looks up and gives him an offended expression. Padmé pats his hand. "They'll be fine."_

_He's tempted to point out that only moments ago, she was voicing the same concerns, but he holds his tongue._

_They stand in the doorway watching Sola and Ryoo make their way up the quiet lane with the twins. Padmé informed him earlier that Sola and Darred's home is only a couple of blocks away. It makes him feel slightly better that her sister is so close._

_Finally, they step back inside the apartment and Padmé closes the door. She stands there for a moment, her hand on the door, facing it as if afraid to turn around. He reaches out, slowly coaxing her to face him. She does so reluctantly and he sees the tears on her cheeks. She won't look at him, chin tucked nearly against her chest as she twines her fingers through his. "I don't want this to be goodbye," she says._

_He pulls her close and she gladly wraps her arms around his waist, burying her head against his chest. He holds her tightly, his chin resting on top of her head. "I love you," he says sadly. "I will always love you."_

_She pulls back far enough to look into his eyes. The light in the apartment is fading fast, but he can clearly make out her features. She lifts her hand, her fingertips gently playing over the scarred flesh of his cheek. His eyes flutter shut as his jaw clenches. He feels unworthy enough of her touch as it is, being reminded of his rather monstrous visage is the last thing he wants._

_"Does it hurt?"_

_He opens his eyes and looks at her. With a quick shake of his head, he says, "No. Not anymore."_

_Her fingertips venture higher, close to his eye. "Can you see?"_

_"Not out of that eye, no."_

_She bites down on her bottom lip, worrying it absently with her teeth. "Anakin, surely the damage could be repaired."_

_He shrugs._

_"You don't want it repaired," she says rather than asks._

_He looks away and then back to her. "I think perhaps I am meant to learn humility."_

_Her lips press into a thin line. "Is that how you feel or how the Council feels?" she asks pointedly._

_He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, regarding her carefully. "This isn't their choice, Padmé. It's mine. If you have to hate someone, it should be me."_

_Her angry expression crumples and tears glisten in her eyes. "I don't want to hate anyone." _

_Her hand caresses his cheek again, pulling his head down to hers. He is overwhelmed with the sensation of her lips against his. The fire between them sparks to life as usual and his grip on her tightens, pulling her closer. She goes willingly, wrapping her arms around his neck._

_He feels less than graceful as he stumbles through the dim, toy-littered living room to the small bedroom. There are no cribs, nor a bed, simply a large mattress situated on the floor where Padmé and the twins sleep. _

_They don't speak. There's no need. They both know this is goodbye, perhaps forever and neither of them wants to talk about that. When he reaches for the contraceptive, there is a look of regret on Padmé's features. But again, she remains silent. Both of them know the last thing she needs right now is another child to parent – alone._

* * *

_Despite how terrible he feels, Anakin knows he probably looks worse. Aubé seems shocked to see him as he ascends the gangplank and walks past her on his way to the cockpit. The sun is still low on the horizon, but the landing platform is already bustling with activity._

_Several minutes later, Aubé slides into the co-pilot's seat. "I thought you might stay." _

_"Me too," he replies, his eyes glued to the console as he programs the coordinates for the return trip to Coruscant._

* * *

"Does it hurt?"

Anakin looks at his daughter and she gestures somewhat awkwardly toward his face. It takes him a moment to process what she's asking. "_Oh,_" he says, absently brushing his scarred cheek with his fingertips. "No. Not at all." He often forgets about the injury. After fourteen years of constantly using the Force to compensate it's such a habit he rarely gives it conscious thought.

"Did it happen during the Clone Wars?"

"Sort of," he answers.

When her brow scrunches into a frown, he elaborates. "It was Palpatine's parting shot. He was trying to kill me while I was trying to kill him." He smiles wryly. "I was the tiniest bit quicker."

"You saved the Republic," Leia says.

Anakin shrugs. "That's one way to look at it."

"You disagree?"

He smiles. She is _so_ much like her mother. "I regret that it took me so long to see Palpatine's true nature. Had I been quicker, many things could have turned out differently."

"If it had turned out differently, you could have died," Leia points out. "Or you could have been injured even more extensively."

He nods with a smile at his daughter's reasoning. "That is very true."

Leia takes a deep breath and glances away. "She always told us about you – even before we were old enough to understand. She used to tell Luke and me stories about how our father was a Jedi hero during the Clone Wars."

Anakin swallows thickly. Leia and Luke know about him. Padmé told them. The sense of relief and sadness is nearly overwhelming. It pulls his chest tight. He spent more than a decade afraid Padmé hated him, knowing she would have been justified in denying his children any knowledge of him. Yet she didn't. She told his son and his daughter about him.

Leia stares at the ground, at the little pattern she traced in the dirt. "It wasn't easy growing up without a father. It wasn't easy on Mom to be a single parent on Naboo. It's a very traditional society. Other kids used to tease us, to tell us Jedi didn't have children. They called her all sorts of horrible things they'd heard their own parents say. We learned to never repeat the stories when we were very young."

Anakin tries not to wince. If Leia hates him for leaving her and her mother and her brother, she is certainly justified. He has earned her anger a thousand times over. He knows without a doubt how difficult it is to grow up without a father, to hear people whisper lies about your mother. The fact that he put his children in the same situation tears at his soul. "I never wanted to leave any of you," he says, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Leia looks up at him, her expression unreadable. Changing tactics, she says, "Mom says the Holonet called you 'The Hero With No Fear'."

"Propaganda," Anakin counters quickly. He smiles wryly. "I was afraid of everything."

"Are you still afraid?" Leia asks, again her expression completely unreadable to him.

He considers her question for a moment. A week ago – a day ago – he could have answered truthfully that he harbored no fears. Which is not to say he isn't wary. He is wary of many things. But fear implies attachment and yesterday he thought himself free of those.

"I'm afraid of you," he says, not realizing his feelings until the words are out of his mouth.

Leia nods, expression deadpan. "I get that a lot."

Anakin can't prevent the bark of laughter that escapes his lips and soon Leia is laughing too. He doesn't know when it happens, but the laughter gives way to tears. He looks at Leia and she is crying too. He opens his arms and Leia launches herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Me too," she says, sniffling loudly. "But it's okay."

It's not okay and he knows that, but right now he doesn't care.

* * *

End Chapter 


	7. Chapter 7

The Journey Home

Chapter 7

by indie

* * *

"I believe I've secured transport, but we'll have to be quick about – " Obi-Wan stops abruptly, watching as Anakin and Leia self-consciously pull away from each other.

With grace and dignity, Leia straightens her gown and brushes absently at the tears wetting her cheeks. She squares her shoulders and meets Obi-Wan's gaze unflinchingly. "Will we be able to make it all the way to Naboo from here?"

"Yes, your highness," Obi-Wan replies. "Providing everything goes according to plan, we will take a direct route to the Chommell sector. But I'm afraid quarters will be quite cramped and decidedly lacking in any amenities."

Taking Obi-Wan's hint, Leia nods. "There was a public 'fresher around the corner. I won't be long."

Anakin trails her to the end of the alley, watching until the door to the public 'fresher hisses shut. Obi-Wan, having followed, raises an eyebrow at his former apprentice. Carefully, he says, "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"She's my daughter," Anakin says plainly, meeting Obi-Wan's gaze, quashing any sordid speculation that may have been brewing in his mentor's mind. "She has a twin brother, Luke. I haven't seen them since they were infants."

Obi-Wan blinks at Anakin, clearly stunned. "I …" he trails off and then seems to collect his thoughts. "I heard rumors Senator Organa was their father. I knew you and Padmé were close, but I never …"

"I know," Anakin says, "and I thank you for that. I never had to deny my marriage to Padmé or my children's paternity and for that small gift I am truly grateful."

Obi-Wan's expression softens and he reaches out, placing a gentle hand on Anakin's shoulder. "You have been so alone, old friend. More than I ever feared. I'm so sorry."

Anakin laughs, mostly because if he doesn't he isn't certain what will happen. He is filled with a chaotic mess of emotions. For someone who has lived such a solitary, steady existence for so long, it is deeply unsettling.

* * *

_He's going insane. Is this what they wanted? Is this how he's supposed to learn? Maybe they don't want him to learn a damn thing. Maybe they just want to put him out of their misery._

_He throws the clump of mud and grass as hard as he can, but feels no satisfaction as it splatters wetly against a nearby tree trunk. The engines are filled with this crap. Even with his mechanical skills, he's not a miracle worker. He's stranded on this damn stinking swamp planet and he's about to lose his mind._

_He drops to his knees in the muck and falls forward onto his hands, roaring through bared teeth. Behind him, he hears metal grind and groan as his Delta-7 starfighter bears the wrath of his fury through the Force. _

_He finally snaps out of it. He doesn't know exactly how much time has passed. The murky sky seems murkier. Evening is approaching. He's completely sodden, covered from head to toe in mud and grime, shivering involuntarily from the cold. _

_He stares at his starfighter. If it had problems before, it's certainly no better off now. The canopy is cracked. From the smell, he suspects a variety of the necessary fluids are currently seeping into the swamp. He's well and truly stranded. It will probably be half a standard year before someone comes to check on him. _

_He buries his head in his hands, mindless of the mud. In three days Luke and Leia will celebrate their first birthday. His rash plans to go to Naboo are finished. He lifts his head and stares sullenly at the damaged fighter. His body literally aches with the pain of missing his wife and children. He has holos of all of them. He knows Luke and Leia have changed, grown. And even though it's only been a few months since he last saw his wife, he already finds it is difficult to remember the exact shade of her hair, the exact smell of her skin._

_But this is why he's here, isn't it? For them?_

_Again, he stares at the fighter, at the one thing that could take him to them. In his rage, he damaged it even further. He knows many Jedi who couldn't have used the Force in such a way. But that doesn't make him better or stronger. How many times did Obi-Wan tell him that it isn't mastery of the Force for which a Jedi strives, but mastery of himself. _

_He has a long way to go._

* * *

Anakin whistles through his teeth when he sees the ship and he gives Obi-Wan a sidelong glance. "Why does the captain owe you a favor?" he asks pointedly. The ship is older, but well maintained and without having to ask, Anakin knows the captain's main source of income is smuggling.

"There was a little scuffle in a cantina a few years ago. The details aren't important," Obi-Wan says, clearly hoping to avoid explaining this particular association.

The captain, a strikingly attractive human woman turns away from the repairs she is directing. Her glossy black hair is pulled back in a severe plait that extends almost to her waist. Anakin estimates she is probably in her mid-forties, but she could pass for much younger. Like any good smuggler, she seems reserved, wary and she studies the trio closely. "What's with the kid?"

Anakin takes a protective step in front of Leia.

"She is of no concern," Obi-Wan replies.

The captain shoots Obi-Wan a questioning glance and he motions for her to let the subject drop. She doesn't appear happy with the situation, but she nods. "We leave within the hour."

* * *

_Anakin stares at the holos. Luke and Leia are five years old, smiling brightly, surrounded by friends and family. Their mother's family, of course. _

_Even with the help of the images, Anakin's imagination cannot fully render his children at this age. To him they are forever the cooing babies he held close._

_He moves the holos aside and reaches for the newest set which was recently delivered along with enough supplies to get him through the rainy season. There are images of the twins' eighth birthday party. Anakin's gaze lingers on Padmé. She is happy, smiling brightly at her children. But he can see the strain on her features. The holos and accompanying letter are already months old, relayed by Master Yoda. As far as he knows, Padmé still has no idea of his whereabouts. She sends the small care package to him in care of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant._

_It is a ritual she has maintained since that dark day he left his wife and children on Naboo. Without fail, every year she sends him pictures of the twins and a letter. Sometimes there are childish works of art or school marks. With every year that passes, her letters become slightly more withdrawn. This time, her letter focuses solely on the children, giving him no details of her life or feelings._

_He hangs his head sadly. He doesn't blame Padmé. She is a vibrant, beautiful woman and she might as well be pining for a dead man. He regrets that he was not strong enough to truly let her go when they parted ways. She doesn't deserve to be chained to the memory of him, hoping for a day that may never come. _

_Rising to his feet, Anakin paces the few yards to the edge of the swamp. He came here hoping to learn mastery of himself, of the Force. Hoping to become the Jedi the Council prophesized. Hoping to become the man his family so desperately needs him to be. But all the hoping has been futile. Nearly eight years on this forsaken rock and he feels the only lesson he has learned is defeat. Absolute defeat. He took himself apart piece by piece, only to discover there was nothing left to rebuild._

_He glances back at the pile of supplies that were delivered, the light blue holocron catching his eye. It was unexpected. The Council has a mission for him._

_End Chapter _


End file.
